Does it really makes sense?

This blog post will be mostly text.

I was being depressed few days ago, and it got worse until such time my friend introduced me with his fellow members of the Game Development Laboratory . I was depressed because I felt so bad that I think my dreams will not be coming true anymore. I wanted to quit on forcing myself being an entertainer or singer. Does everything really makes sense? I mean, my life, my plans, and my progress right now, does it really makes sense at all or it's just a waste of time?



I was talking to someone I'm close with and I wanted his reply to be fast since our conversation on Facebook was really 10+ minutes gap and I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. At that time I had really a big depression happening. Seeing Morning Musume members that almost same age as mine, performing them live, having MVs and such, I was like, I was somekind that girl before but it's now gone. I think I'm horrible, I say. I wanted to be atleast happy at that time by talking to him but I guess, thinking it deeply, who am I for him? So I got depressed more because of what I though about our friendship.

Until this day, I was just showing myself that I'm very happy. Playing volleyball was just a time to get rid of this depression, but it seems that my mood wasn't fit to the other members mood since we lost and I had a sense of guilt because I wasn't responsive at that time. I just stay quite, and show still that I'm happy while infact I want to die already because of these feelings that I wanted to prove already to the world of who I am. Who cares if what I'm feeling on that time, right? I have a problem, they have a problem, everyone has a problem. They just don't show it or say it, so it's really just a human nature to pretend (for me).

So this friend of mine (an upperclass) suddenly called me out of nowhere while we were at the auditorium. Loud noises and scattered voices of his were being heard at that time. I can't understand him, but maybe he understands me. Well, he's looking at me right now to go at their organization, so I felt a sense of excitement!

~~ He introduced me to his fellow members of the game lab. I was like "OH NO THIS IS HEAVEN!" He let me sat beside him, and letting me see his progress on his project. I am asking and asking of what it is and how it works.

But the most favorite part on the whole conversation that we have is this:

He said "I am so excited for you to see you successfully shifted here (CS or Computer Science)!"
I asked "Why?"
He answererd "Because I know you have potentials. I can feel you love programming. Plus, you already experienced it before, you just don't know how to call it."

===
And these parts were really repeated twice with a major gap of time. I was like I wanted to cry. He's the only one who told it to me about that. He always letting me believe that there'll be a better plan for me if I failed on my shifted course, but he'll pray for me.

I always wanted to cry whenever he lectures me about those things. He's really a friend for me.

So setting aside things off on the creative side and putting analytical side right now, WHO AM I REALLY? This is confusing! I am always in the somewhat hybrid like here:

from http://en.sommer-sommer.com/braintest/

from: http://www.wherecreativitygoestoschool.com/vancouver/left_right/rb_test.htm

=.= I took online test if I'm really right or left brained but it seems right now I'm dominant on left. Oh well xd

I suddenly missed programming. I will really do tell to my brothers to reformat my computer next week so that I can start to develop or continue my website that I did 2 years ago!

ahaha~ I will also continue my PRIVATE SERVER RO adjkalsdjas I hate my brother for hiding my flash disk at that time! You said that what I was did there was a nonsense? Well, you're wrong!

Oh no, how about my covers? I think time management is really the best policy for me.

-kuruchi~